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Excuses…Excuses….

July 18, 2011 By admin 25 comments

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There aren’t many things that get me more fired up than listening to people blame others for their problems.  Specifically, parents blaming their poor child’s health and or obesity on the fast food industry.  Now before you click that X in the right hand corner let me explain what I mean by that.

I am , by no means, a perfect mother. I have never claimed to be.  But what I am is completely accountable for the decisions I make for myself and in turn make for my children.  We held off for years on buying the boys a game system much to the dismay of my kids.  I was fine with their irritation at being ‘the only kids they knew’ who didn’t have a Wii, PSP, DSi, etc.  They have a Wii now, thanks to the generosity of a Christmas gift from my family, and it is one of the greatest motivators to them getting their chores done!

We limit the choices in television programs that my kids are allowed to watch and neither of them use the Internet for anything other than school work.  No social networking for them.  They are 12 and 8 after all.  What are they going to say?  What do they really need to be doing online?  They do earn some computer time, but not much.  To tell you the truth, they never ask.

Stay with me here..I am not judging, I am just giving a little background perspective ????

I was a stay at home mother, proudly so, when that was not very en vogue.  The women I knew thought that the 6 weeks they had to take off post-birth was hard enough.  That is their right.  See, we all make choices and we live with them.  I can live with being called the ‘No-Fun Mom”!

So when I stand behind a woman at the grocery store who is talking to her kids about how they wouldn’t be so heavy if they didn’t eat at McDonald’s it was all I could do to keep my nose out of her tirade.  Yes, McDonald’s markets their food with flashy toys from popular fads and new movies on ALL of the television channels you can hop to anymore.  I get that.  They have full color ads in Parenting, Family Fun and other mainstream parent periodicals.  They are cheap, quick and it’s really hard to pass one by and not crave their french fries….or their LOW prices.   But in this case, with this particular woman, her problem was clearly in her cart.

I gave a quick glance in her basket to confirm that the foundation for these children’s poor (as she called it) eating habits has started in the home.  2 liters of pop, 3 different kinds of cookies, Pop-Tarts, Toaster pastries, 6 (Yes, 6) bags of chips, processed blocks of cheese, cheese in a can, white bread, processed meats galore, canned meals and enough frozen pizzas to feed a little league baseball team.  And she is blaming fast food?

Now this is the part where I tell you that I have obviously, at some point in the last 12 years as a mom, bought 1 or more of those listed items.  Haven’t we all?  Even some organic foods can be classified as “junk” foods.  I also am well aware that these convenience foods are most often the ones that have coupons in the Sunday inserts in the paper, go on the best sales and are the most advertised.  When was the last time you saw a baby carrot commercial?

In today’s economy, when a family goes to buy food and they only have $100 to last them 2 weeks, tough choices have to be made.  Many are not educating themselves on how to be a frugal shopper and just want to get in and get out.  I know that ,for some parents who feel like they can’t give their children what they really want, want to give their kids what they can.  So if that means that they are saying yes to the super cool new toy in the McDonalds happy meal this week then that’s the choice they are making.  Letting their kids have a sedentary lifestyle…that’s a choice they are making.  Parental choices go on and on.

I initially applauded the decision by Jack in the Box to remove toys from all kids meals last week.  I thought, finally, someone is stepping up.  But when you peel back the layers you see that this is just a cleverly concealed PR move.  The bottom line is: if you don’t want your children to eat kids meals…then don’t buy them!

I fully understand that your entire life is not lived in the confines of your home.  That sometimes you have to eat elsewhere.  I get that and acknowledge it.  You may have a picky eater (been there..still there) who will not eat from the “healthy area’ of a menu.  I had a child who would not eat anything but processed cheese slices and applesauce for 1 whole year.  He clearly made it.  Could I have given in and fed him straight from a flashy cardboard box with happy little characters dancing around having fun pictured on it? Yes.  He probably would have eaten it. I was desperate to get him to eat…but not that desperate.

I know this is coming off as pretentious and elitist.  Maybe I am a little of both.  But when it comes to accountability as a parent I will wear those titles and be proud.  If I don’t want my kids to eat junk then I don’t buy it.  If I have to ‘eat out’ then it is made clear that while we can sometimes have yummy treats, our dinner does not have to come with a side of fries and a dish of mac n cheese.  Moderation.  Again, these are choices that I make and I accept the consequences.  Has this always been easy? No, but now that my kids are older they understand the concept of moderation we do sometimes have our cake and eat it too.  Do we eat out, yes! Of course we do.  We also eat at fast food establishments…our favorites: Wendy’s, Subway and Qdoba!  See, not judging..just saying ????

There is a new campaign to push fast food restaurants to have more healthy offerings called Kids Live Well that sounds hopefull.  So far there are no dining establishments in Indiana who are boarding the healthy train but from what I gather it is coming soon.  Cracker Barrel, surprisingly, was one of the first chains to offer food selections on the kids menu that give more fruit, vegetable and non-meat choices.

Each participating restaurant must offer at least one kids’ meal that is less than 600 calories, and includes 2 or more servings of fruit, vegetables, whole grain, lean protein, or low fat dairy.

This is a step in the right direction from a  consumer standpoint but we are far from there yet.  Parents need to understand that it is not just the food we feed our kids that needs attention but what we feed ourselves.  Children are more apt to eat well if they see their parents and caregivers making those same healthy choices.  Eating well and moving more are just 2 of the components of a healthy life.  How can I ask my kids to be active if I myself am not?

Hopefully campaigns like this one sponsored by the National Restaurant Association and others around the country will shed light on what is one of the biggest problems plaguing our youngest generations.

Note:
Thank you for letting me stand on my soapbox today! Let it me known that I have, at some point in my life, fit in all of the profiles I have described .  I know what it’s like to survive for 2 weeks on a handful of money and try to feed my family, I know what it’s like to feel swayed by my kids begging for ‘drive -thru’ fare like their life depends on it, I have obviously bought chips before…so please don’t be offended.  I truly understand that lower and no income families have to do what they can to feed their families.  I think this bracket are the ones that need the full page targeted ads.  More people like Jamie Oliver (well, maybe not that intense ???? that go in and educate them on healthy living.  More retailers and companies making their healthy food more accessible and not the most expensive.  More training for parents to learn how to shop ‘smart’ and create more healthy food in the kitchen.  More kids, I don’t know, moving!  That way the occasional treats we give them burn off.  Ever wonder why when we were younger we all seemed slimmer?  Well, in my case it was because we were running around all day.  We didn’t have the pull of the video game, TV’s in every room and 500 channels to keep us on the couch.  I believe in moderation, and I DO say yes to the occasional doughnut for my kids (and myself) and I do make eating fun.  I also know we keep the balance by having fun together and moving more.  THIS is the lesson I teach my kids.  THIS is the accountability for their own health that I have passed on to them.  They have seen me make bad choices and then dig myself out of the hole I made.  I eat badly and don’t work out for 6 months = I gain weight and have to work out and get back on track to lose it.

Thank you , again, and I hope I didn’t drive you away.  An excerpt of this was in the editorial section of today’s paper…so I wanted to share ????

My 2 funny Monkeys on the canals in downtown Indianapolis ????

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Rants

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Comments

25 responses to “Excuses…Excuses….”

  1. Kate from Scratch says:
    July 18, 2011 at 12:17 pm
    I'm astounded by the woman who tells their kids "they wouldn't be so heavy if.." As if their kids are driving to McD's to go get a burger while the rest of the family stays home. HAHA! I think not. As for the gaming...I let my kids play games. Trey's 4 right now and his time is carefully monitored. He fully fluent on the computer. I grew up in a household where there was ALWAYS a computer. My Dad worked for IBM and it was a critical part of my upbringing and now I make a living working from home on one. That was in the 80s and 90s when nobody really was all that technologically saavy. So, I do appreciate their forward thinking on the that fron and aim to acknowledge the roll that technology plays in everyday life...but also balance that with my psych soc knowledge (college) and tell them that they're better off inviting a buddy over to go ride bikes than chatting on the web. It's fun, but not necessary for socialization. Balance and moderation. We live by it.
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  2. basilmomma: Heather Tallman says:
    July 18, 2011 at 12:26 pm
    I know what you are saying about the computer time. I only have 2 things I can truly hang over my kids heads right now: computer time and Wii time. My kids were given a Wii for Christmas from my family and it is something we all like to do together but I use it to get them to do things they need to do = Wii time! I completely agree, balance and moderation. I am so glad I didn't offend you...I was a little worried I would get a flurry of negative emails. SO far, only 2 :/
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  3. Aimee says:
    July 18, 2011 at 12:38 pm
    Eating healthy CAN cost more money. Not only do I buy healthy food (fruits and veggies) but I buy organic. I feed my family of 6 a meal every night, we load up on fresh fruits and veggies, we eat organically, and I only spend $150 a week on groceries. It can be done. I don't buy much processed food. As you will see from my blog, I bake treats, which is much more cost effective. I buy my chocolate, flour, sugar, etc when it's on sale, and I stock up! As for the going out to eat, we don't do it very often. Fortunately for me, my kids only like Wendy's and Subway. I usually push for Subway and we are all happy. I use my points card and we get free subs all the time. I do think though, many people don't understand how to cook or feed their family on less money and choose healthy options. I see it in my own family (my brothers), and often I find myself teaching them some of my tricks. I think we need to be understanding of everyone's choices, and help eachother learn! Aimee
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  4. Dana @ WhatWereWeThinking? says:
    July 18, 2011 at 12:39 pm
    Unless your toddler/child makes their own money & can drive a car, it is the parent's choice to go to McDonald's & buy a Happy Meal. I lived on PB&Js and cereal when I was broke. That's even cheaper than Mcdonald's. My sister & I begged for lots of things thar my mom couldn't afford. She didn't give in to every little demand and we are better adults for it, in my opinion. Now that I have the means to provide much more for my own son, I worry about my own ability to teach him delayed gratification & patience. Great post.
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  5. basilmomma: Heather Tallman says:
    July 18, 2011 at 12:42 pm
    Thank you, as I breathe a sigh of relief that you all aren't angry! Aimee: I agree, we do need to teach others. There is a local program that teaches new citizens (in this area) that I am a part of where they get resources and tips on moving more, eating less and being a healthy family. So I feel good about this step in the right direction :) Dana: I know what you mean about delayed gratification..it's hard. I feel like they get mad now about what I make them work for but , hopefully, later they will appreciate it!
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  6. Kate @ Kate from Scratch says:
    July 18, 2011 at 12:51 pm
    I don't see how this is in any way offensive. If people know they're doing a good job, it shouldn't affect them. I say stick to it! Love it! :D
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  7. Mindy says:
    July 18, 2011 at 1:01 pm
    I think there are a lot of parents who would agree with you. My husband and I used to eat a lot of processed foods, but after living in France a couple of years ago, I actually had to teach myself to cook better because, although France isn't completely devoid of processed foods, their unprocessed foods sections in the grocery stores are much bigger. That's when I started my blog, and since then, I've taught myself to cook from scratch whenever possible. Like you, we do eat the occasional processed food, but it's more of a treat than a lifestyle. (In fact, McD's is so rare that when I asked my daughter where she'd like to eat for her birthday dinner last year, she wanted McD's because we hadn't been there in a year!) I live in Kentucky, which is ranked number six in the obesity rankings. And I see why whenever I go grocery shopping. I often spend just as much money on food as the next person, but my cart is full of produce. I'm on a budget, but I've learned to buy produce on sale and freeze it for later use. It takes time and energy, but if a person thinks that eating healthy is important enough, s/he can set aside that time to prepare ahead of time. I even make my own "frozen meals" to help out on those busy nights. I actually think that people don't know *how* to cook anymore--I wish there were some easy program to help in this area. I wouldn't worry about offending people...that's why we have blogs--to express our opinions, right? :-)
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  8. Mia says:
    July 18, 2011 at 1:10 pm
    Sadly many don't know how to cook, which leads to wasting money buying pre-packaged items that are not cheap and easy. I buy all organic for my family of three adults (my elderly father-in-law lives with us) and one child. We spend $150 a week. My food blog shares the kind of food that I am able to create. We treat ourselves to a very nice meal out once a week. My 6-year-old has "off" limits items on all restaurant menus. I started setting some pretty firm guidelines earlier on for my 6 -year-old in regards to eating and play. She is a strong minded little girl but with persistence, I think it's paid off. We don't have any games. She gets some computer time everyday to play on educational sites. They thrive on consistency and direction. I believe that many preservatives in our food plays a major factor in obesity amongst other serious ailments. The more research, the more convinced I am. Big corporations are all about profit at our expense. It's all about a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We need a good venting now and than...
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  9. Liz says:
    July 18, 2011 at 1:11 pm
    Hey Miss Heather. I didn't find anything you wrote offensive in any way. I agree completely with everything you stated. I have 4 kids, 2 being teenagers , and I refuse to keep junk in the house. I make my own baked goods, and we eat lean proteins and fresh fruits and veggies.If you buy in season,it doesn't have to be too expensive. As far as people go, take it with a grain of salt. In my opinion, people are way too sensitive these days. There really are more important things in life than whether someone voices their opinion of childhood obesity.I think you hit a nerve, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.If people truly enjoy your blog, your writing and your recipes, they will stay. I , for one, adore you and our blog! :)
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  10. Anonymous says:
    July 18, 2011 at 2:11 pm
    First off, I have to say that I just became a fan on Facebook over the weekend. I followed one link to another and found this blog quite by accident. I am loving everything I am seeing on here! :) Secondly, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. I don't see anything offensive at all. Props to you for speaking your mind and sharing it with us. I myself have struggled with weight issues my whole life because I was never really taught "moderation". I swore to myself that when I had my own children, I would teach them the right way to eat so they would never have to struggle like I have in the past. As a result of me always pushing all kinds of fruit and veggies and water on my son since he started eating solids, I now have an 8 year old who prefers water over any other beverage as well as a fruit & veggie lover (the veggies are always the 1st off the plate and into the tummy). This is a child who will NOT eat french fries even if offered. People look at me in shock like its a bad thing that my kid does not like fried, greasy food. I don't get it. I'm THRILLED he doesn't like that type of food!! Since I made the move to buying and cooking with fresh (and sometimes organic)ingredients, most processed food tastes really horrible to me. I can't imagine ever going back to eating that stuff again. Yuck! Anyways, I just had to reply because this touched my heart. I'm sorry if my post is rambling all over the place :) Oh and as for games and computer time, my son has to earn them. Sometimes we all play the Wii together on family game night and other times he plays on my pc but he is only allowed to go to the sites that are educational and that I have perused to make sure they are kid safe. Most of the websites he likes are sites that were recommended by his teachers and the librarian at his school. Over the summer, I have been a little more lax about time spent playing games but once school is back in session, it won't be an every day thing anymore. Thanks for letting me rant!
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  11. basilmomma: Heather Tallman says:
    July 18, 2011 at 2:15 pm
    Thank you ALL! No, rant away! I love this kind of feedback (not the kind that calls me a pretentious, snooty bitch that I have gotten!) and I welcome ALL of your responses. I have emailed EVERY one of the people who sent me nasty stuff and apologized if I offended them. This was truly NOT my intention. I think some only read the first few lines (as a few said) and jumped to the comment box. Thank you, again!
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  12. Anonymous says:
    July 18, 2011 at 2:26 pm
    Hello I am a fairly new follower and love, love your blog!! Having been in IN for only a year now (and live in Franklin) I am so excited to try out some of your favorite places for shopping, food, and everything in between. I promise I wont stalk you, but being new in a community you are making it easier. I totally agree with your post today, and everyone's comments. It isn't offensive, but the truth. Sadly, I have been there (and sometimes) with the eating out too frequently, or poor food choices for my two teenage daughters. The good thing is now they appreciate it, and will reel me in when things get out of control temporarily. That is when you know you are doing a good job, and that the kids actually get it. I really believe that so many people have not been educated in proper eating, or how to make healthy foods. Hopefully with tv shows, and blogs more and more people will see how easy it is to make better choices for themselves and their families. Continue with what you are doing and know that you are helping guide the rest of us to a healthy and yummy lifestyle. Thanks, Heather C
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  13. basilmomma: Heather Tallman says:
    July 18, 2011 at 2:29 pm
    Heather C.! Franklin! That is like maybe 10 minutes from where I live in Bargersville. We go to the pool there all of the time! Thank you for reading! How did you find me if I can ask? Did you see my column in the Daily Journal?
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  14. Judy @ CWF says:
    July 18, 2011 at 2:35 pm
    This is a great post and not the least bit offensive! It needed to be said. I can't believe any mother would be talking to their child that way. How about teaching them to make the right food choices, encouraging them and setting a good example instead of belittling them! Just discovered your blog and love it!
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  15. carolinaheartstrings says:
    July 18, 2011 at 3:14 pm
    Here here I love this post so much. Each of us have the life we want and the children we have raised. If you want something different start with teh person looking back at you in the mirror. YOU are your children's best example. I think you are doing a fantastic job!
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  16. Anonymous says:
    July 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm
    Just tried to post, and I don't see it. I think I goofed. Trying again.
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  17. Anonymous says:
    July 18, 2011 at 4:20 pm
    This should help confirm your thoughts and ideas. I am a mother of three great teenaged sons. I, too, was an at-home mom on a tight budget. We had no computers or electronic games, my boys watched PBS, and they were largely unaware of fast food establishments. Now, the excuses: my oldest started school; my middle's disability overwhelmed me; we got cable and my youngest discovered Nick,Jr.; I started working as a teachers' aide in my sons' school and my workload doubled, as my husband was a "housework and kids are a woman's job" kind-of-guy. I began to take occasional advantage of the drive-thru, and the entertaining programs on T.V. in order to get a break. Fast forward ten years: I am the mother of three great, overweight teenaged sons, who must now find within themselves the self-control and discipline needed to live well and healthy for the rest of their adult lives. Don't get me wrong--we're an active family, enjoying family walks and bike rides, hiking and swimming, and even an occasional game of tennis; they love to toss a frisbee or football and shoot baskets in the driveway, and participate in sports activities at church. But they, as well as I, have to learn to control caloric intake and make healthy food choices, as we will forever face the threat of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity, all of which run in the family. I know I am a good mom--sometimes even a great one. My boys do well in school, are well-liked by friends and teachers, and love God. But I take full responsibility for their less-than-healthy physical state, and consider this my greatest failure as a mother.
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  18. basilmomma: Heather Tallman says:
    July 18, 2011 at 4:31 pm
    To the most recent Anonymous: You are in NO way a failure! Oh my goodness, you raised 3 happy, healthy, thriving children doing the best you could and look at how you did this ! You are a strong, brave woman! I applaud your honesty and candor. You know, at the end of the day you have to know you did your best. I am not a great mother, hopefully a good one, but by no means perfect. Your young adults will have to find it in THEMSELVES to make good choices. You have to open your hands and let your little birds fly away :) I work in special Ed. as well, so bravo to you. That is a hard job to work it and live it. Give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it!!
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  19. Inside a British Mum's Kitchen says:
    July 18, 2011 at 6:26 pm
    We are with you! It takes committment and time - but surely our kids are worth it. How much does a couple of leeks, potatoes and a box of chicken broth cost? maybe $6 at the most and you can make a wonderful soup that will feed a family. Honestly, I think cooking is not valued enough in this culture, who will teach our kids to cook if we don't take the time. Mary x
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  20. The Harried Cook says:
    July 18, 2011 at 6:58 pm
    Great post, Heather. I don't think it's offensive at all... We have been entrusted with these little people who are too small to make their own choices, and so it is up to us to make some good choices for them, and teach them how to make their own good choices as they grow up. We are not perfect, and we make mistakes along the way. But hopefully we learn from them. And in the end, hopefully, we can say we did the best we could with the time & resources we had! My daughter is only 21 months old, and everyday I pray to God to help me do my best for her :) Thanks for a great, thought-provoking post!
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  21. Jane @ Going Jane says:
    July 18, 2011 at 7:23 pm
    Parents are DEFINITELY the ones responsible for the choices they make for their families - amen!
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  22. Lark (SparkyLarky) says:
    July 19, 2011 at 12:49 am
    Heather, I like the way you put this topic into words! Coming from someone (ME) who has had a weight problem, I can say for MYSELF that providing a meal of ANY kind is something parents need to think and act by example. Living in a rural town makes it a bit easier for my family not to be faced by all the fast food. However when we do go into town, even if going to McD's ..their are healthy options to choose from. If parents set the example "fast food" is NOT what they ask for. One of my daughters favorite meals at home is a Chef Salad! As for the "cost" being more expensive....I DIS AGREE! A heart attack, Diabetes, High Blood pressure,...these ARE WAY MORE EXPENSIVE than buying extra lean meat. :)
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  23. Kimby says:
    July 19, 2011 at 1:08 am
    I didn't think you were being pretentious and/or elitist at all, Heather -- and I don't have young children at home! Marketing is marketing and the whole idea is to SELL. (That goes for "big kids," too, with all the ads for "unlimited" and "all you can eat"...) Bravo for putting "accountability" and decision-making where they belong -- in our own laps!
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  24. Amy says:
    July 19, 2011 at 10:30 am
    Heather, you've hit the big time. All the "powerful" bloggers get hate mail, so you're in good company! LOL A good blog post sparks conversation, and those that were offended by what you said may need to look inside themselves to see why. Perhaps it's because the truth hurts? We are by no means perfect. My son had macaroni and cheese topped with taco meat for dinner last night. But he also CHOSE an orange for dessert, over brownies. We try to limit processed foods but not remove them entirely. What you said...moderation. That's how we try to live.
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  25. Julie M. says:
    July 19, 2011 at 1:10 pm
    Heather, I totally agree with you and I think people's perceptions about what healthy food costs is a big part of the problem. A bag of baby carrots can cost usually $1.25-$1.50/bag (cheaper if you go to Aldi)-- this is WAY cheaper than a bag of chips last I checked. One of my kids favorite snacks is frozen peas!! Most weeks you can get a bag of frozen peas for $1/bag at Kroger! In fact, if I do buy the occassional box of cookies or bag of chips I find that I spend MORE than when I buy healthy food. Parents need to take responsibility for their kids eating habits. The only reason they crave french fries and chicken nuggets in the first place is because we have taught them to crave them... Here and there is fine and a special treat but when we depend on that for the norm then we have only ourselves to blame.
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